Non-Musical Post (self restraint)

okay first of all, i would like to inform that this post isnt musical at all..

it should be a post where i express what ive been thinking lately..

and sorry that i cant continue on Music Matter post,

the problem is im currently having semester break, and while im home,

theres not much musical thing that i can share..

i guess ill continue when the new semester starts..

~~enter my world~~

i know im not really good at anything..

i just know few things..

generally im just a regular guy trying to make myself happy..

along with my effort, i find out some people being just too annoying for me..

yea i know im not even close to perfect,

and i have no rights to judge people..

but i think im old enough to figure out whether ur a friend,

or just a friend trying to manipulate me,

or just somebody i know that really looks down on me..

personally, i care bout people's thought bout me..

since im 15, ive been trying hard to control myself..

not to say words, or to take an action,

that would hurt or irritate others, especially my friends..

i can be too talkative, and i can be really annoying,

and im trying my best not to be like that..

i just wanna be regular,

i wanna be a guy that listen more to his surroundings..

i wanna think thoroughly before i take any action..

ive been trying..

and i did somehow change a bit..

eventually i start to think more bout other's feelings..

not just my friends, even more that feelings appears towards my family..

i used to hate my lil bro so much..

i dont know why but i just hate em..

once, i did not speak to him for almost a month..

then i realize that he was just a child..

cant really think of actions he made..

its me.

im an adult already..

i should be more responsible..

and when i look at the situation from his point of view, i can see..

i can see the love that i shouldve shown to him all these years..

and so ive changed..

i see things from different view..

friends

i need them

they help me discover my personality

they help me to be myself

losing a good friend is a thing that i found so hard

it shows how terrible i am in social relationship

and again it brought me to have a look again at myself

what have i done?

been a good friend?

been a foe?

been a what??

music

i think i know music

i think i can play music

i think i understand music

yesterday i did a simple test on myself

i record myself playing

and i go through every seconds of the video

and guess what i see??

a regular guy playing an instrument

i dont deserve the title "Music Student"

2 years studying music, i havent improved..

another disappointing spot of me...

computer

"im just as smart as my google search"

i just know some things that i found on google

ive never really invented something

so

useless

......

love

have been in love several times..

even twice with one girl..

still expecting and waiting for a girl..

but honestly

seeing how i behave

i dont think i deserve someone like her

im starting to get over it

even i know honestly i cant..

even if its 20 years from now..

never really get to felt true love, yet..

or maybe never

it isnt impossible aite?

thus..

another dead end

family

::im no good::

to end this sarcasm

ill just hold on to one word

..HELP..

despair

useless... =(

Tak Sampai Seminggu Dah Kusut!

hurm.. ntah la.. xtau nape tetibe rase nk post emo2 gini.. adoi.. sejak dok shah alam ak teros down gile lah.. bosan memanjang.. plus, xsampai seminggu ak kat 'umah ijau' tuh, serabut dah kepala ak.. macam2 benda yg ak rase menyakitkan hati and memeningkan kepala..

tp mostly i think the cause of me being like this (sentiasa malas n xde semangat nk belajar n lemau n bosan) is because of my last pointer.. seriously down sgt bile dah xdpt naik stage amek sijil.. adoi.. xpela, xde rezeki kan..

but then still, ak tension ngan rumah sewa ak.. rumah tu sendiri pon dah problem.. water pressure rendah, nk mandi pon susah.. kadang2 ad air kadang2 tgh mandi air hilang.. shit ak benci oh! mslh rakan serumah plak, ntahla.. sblom nih ak rase okay, but then semalam ak tersentak+xpuas hati bile ade sumone point ak something.. mcm xpuas hati.. hurm..

kronologi die lebih kurang gini lah..

• tuan rumah datang bersama seorang plumber ntok betolkan mslh air.. then tuan rumah sound lah sebab rumah sangat kotor dan toilet macam toilet awam.. die suruh cuci and die ckp next month die nk cek..
• then ad sorg rakan serumah ni argue, die ckp umah tu aliran udara xbagus.. kat dapur xde lubang angin.. then die demand lah suro tuan rumah letak exhaust fan.. then diorg deal lah , tuan rumah pasang exhaust fan-kitorang bersihkan rumah..
• personally bagi ak, xde kene mengene pon exhaust fan tuh ngan mslh rumah kotor.. ntahlah.. ak senyap jek sbb ak ngan budak ni boleh kate baik la ngan ak tym tuh.. hurm..
• then ak terlepas ckp kat die gini, "eh kalo pasang exhaust fan bil letrik naik lah kan??"
• then tibe2 je die mcm xpuas hati ak ckp cmtuh.. die balas balik, "kalo ko nk berkira pasal letrik, yang ko bawak water cooler tuh xpkai letrik ke?"
• then ak jwb la; "ak bawak tuh sebab ak nk balance kan ngan korg gune aircond.. letrik die same(less actually) ngan aircond.. so fair lah bayar letrik satu rumah kan?" (ak dah lame xstuju diorg pasang aircond tym tido kadang2 tghari pon bukak gak sbb panas.. unfair la ntok bebudak lain yg xdpt merasa aircond tuh.. ak sendiri sumpah xpenah tido dlm bilik tuh.. stakat lepak2 adela.. dulu sblom masok umah sume ckp xkan psg aircond lah apela... dah masok sume lupe diri..)
• then die balas balik; "pehal plak? skang mane pasang aircond dah kan?" (ok mmg diorg dah xpsg aircond stakat nih.. tapi sem lepas punye? )
• ok then ak diam lah.. ak ni xreti nk menjawab sgt.. then die point ak lagi; "ko bolehla fan, dok atas 3 org satu bilik senang lenang.. bawah ni ramai, sempit.."
• ak diam lagi sbb mmg ak xtau nk jwb cmne.. lgpon die ckp nonstop n mmg xnk bg ak jwb..
• pastu ak nk tuka topik, mls nk argue, ak open cite pasal 2 bulan tym cuti sem, umah xde org.. but then bil letrik 200++.. n dgn tibe2 die ckp, "manela ak tau, ak mane tinggal sini.. tapi ak bayar jek, xbanyak komplen pon"
• ok yg tu sumpah ak terasa.. sbb mmg ak sorg jek yg komplen ak rase.. pehal umah xde org bil mcm rumah penuh? so ak diam jek.. and the conversation ends right there..

mlm tuh, ak still xpuas hati.. ak borak ngan membe bilik ak, due org.. ak tnye diorg, ade x rase mcm ad someone xpuas hati kite dok bilik atas nih 3 org.. diorg mcm stuju la sbb mase insiden ptg td, diorg ade gak kat situ.. so kitorang open la cite..

umah kitorang 2 tingkat, 4 bilik.. 2 atas, 2 bawah.. bilik atas mmg kecik.. bilik ak, boleh baring muat2 3 org+3 wardrobe kain yg standard size punye.. bilik sebelah ak lg kecik.. so ade sorg jek budak dlm bilik tuh.. tu pon nk masok sorg lg next week..

bilik bawah plak besar! due2 bilik bawah lebih kurang 3 kali ganda besar bilik ak.. so kalo teorinye 9 org la satu bilik.. but then, sbb diorang nih hidup sangat bersepah, bilik tu nmpk kecik.. 4 org jek boleh tido.. mane x sempit, baju bersepah sane sini.. beg2 baju pon bersepah.. bukan nk beli almari.. nk kate xde duit, sume loaded.. membe bilik ak ckp, kalo diorg kemas elok2 bilik tuh, bole muat 9 org.. siap ade ruang lebih lagi..

ruang tamu lg satu hal.. penoh ngan baju.. sofa yg ade tuh dah boleh bukak kedai dobi dah.. awal2 masok rumah dulu ak rajinla kemas, dah lame2 gini mls ak! ok ak tau la bujang.. but then xsemestinya bujang hidup kene bersepah.. tp xpela, xggu hidup ak pon korg besepah.. but then jgnla nk xpuas hati plak ngan bilik atas..

ni ak belom cite pasal dapur lg.. huh.. nightmare.. mls ak nk cite..

**if any of you(my housemate) read this article, im so sorry.. i dont mean to insult or anything.. im not mad or whatsoever.. its more like im releasing my thought.. to nobody.. it makes me feel better.. thats all.. im cool with u guys.. dont worry..

sometimes i hate myself more than u hates me.

long2 time ago

haha... sumpah lame da x masok blog ini.. hehe.. malas maw type.. skang ak da begelar mahasiswa.. syok2.. kos yg ak amek mmg byk mmerlukan kos.. dats y ak cam agak jamm la.. haha.. pastuh, blaja muzik sangat susah sbnanye.. fyi, record mnunjukkan, almost 80% org drop dari muzik.. pergh.. creepy.. tp ak janji, ak akan terus berada di sini, mempelajari muzik.. my passion.. hurm2.. dats all 4 now.. c ya later, i mean maybe a year later.. haha.. malasnye nk type!! haha

unhappily separated

gosh its been a while since my last post.. idk.. lately im not interested to my com as usual.. so many things passin by n im losing each one of it without knowing the lost! cruel life isnt it? hurm.. in about a week, half of my friends will be goin to further their study.. n in bout a month all of us will b separated.. im too happy as well as too sad currently.. of course ill meet new buddies soon, but, its kind of complicated.. its hard to find friends.. i mean "friends".. ill be missin them so damn fuckin much for sure.. huh.. do u think its annoying?? i kept on posting entries regarding friends, showing them how much i appreciate to b their friends.. but i dont even know if i am one of them.. hurm.. idc.. all i know is i put friends 1st instead of myself, famly, lover or whatever! im thinking of producing new songs.. or maybe ill remake the 'Best Friends' song with a better audio.. n ill let u noe when its done.. thats all now.. ill be updating this blog once a week i guess.. huhu.. later dude! :)

starvin miracles

pg td, ak tejage ngam2 tym azan subuh..
(ak terjage kerane lapar sebenanye... ;p)
whoa..
ak tersentak dlm tido(bayangkan) huhu..
4 a sec i tot i was dead..
luckily i didnt..
then i start thinking, of the sins ive done instead of humble deeds..
oh banyaknye.. will He ever 4gve me??
then ngan penoh insafnye ak bukak tb(astro) channel oasis(106)..
tym tuh tgh segmen bacaan ayat2 suci n zikir2..
mak aih sayu gle ati dga si akil hayy tuh nye sore..
then yg hijjaz nye frontman tuh(x igt name)..
tetibe plak ak laju jek g toilet, wuduk n tros smayang..
da lame ak x solat sbuh 5 menet lpas azan..(slalunye nk dkat kol 7)
alhamdulillah..
hope ia berterosan..
point ak kat sini ialah, jom ah reramai usha channel 106..
bes dow..
pastuh leh tros jengok channel 615...
huhu..
itu saje kali ini.. salam..
;p

thinking of possibility

kembali mengupdate mende alah nih.. ak ad story sket ah.. blakangan ini ak slalu hangout ngan classmate ak kat smkdn dlu.. slalunye ngan rafiq, akip, afiq, polah n pejal..habib n adha pon kekadang ad gak..gile sronok bile refresh memori 2 years back.. huhu.. sumpah ak rase blessed gile bile hangout ngan diorg.. huhu.. xsangke still cntct kan.. tp kan, still kitorang ssh gile nk jmpe bbrape clasmate dulu.. antarenye jaliah, magesh, karthik, su yin, yih ting, chan mun, ngiap seng.. huhu.. myb sbb fact diorg bkn jnis yg hangout mlm2..as we all slalu jpossiblityumpe di mamak pade waktu tetengah malam..hakhak.. so, kitorg bajet leh wat reunion la.. hurm, tp cam ssh jek.. no cooperation.. tghari kang akip nk dtg umah ak.. nk kompemkan ngan pn. normala bout our visit to her mansion(hakhak).. adek ckp, die nk kompemkan kdatangan bebudak pompuan ngan ak ari rabu..huhu.. hope evrythin goes well.. hope sangat2 leh gather ramai2.. lame xjumpe korg dow..rindu..;p pape pon, point sebena ak nk ckp kat sini sbnanye, ak gile appreciate korg sbagai kwn2 ak.. so many things hppened in d last 2 years, but we still manage to cntct each other.. well.. ak mmg dari dulu lg syg kengkawan ak lebey dari dri sndri.. fwens are famly.. dats wat i think.. hurm, personally ak hrap, sblm kite sume smakin jaoh(further stdy, moving, etc), please r.. hope nk jumpe korang.. sploh menet pon xpela.. janji jumpe.. tibe2 mood ak jadi sadis plak..;p dah r..malas nk type pnjang2..huu.. will c ya later.. papai.. ;